Monday, October 14, 2013

Decisions you make, they either shape you, make you or break you. they either take you by storm or they are the storm. Sometimes its hard to decide which ones are the correct ones to take. As we all can relate to relationships, they either are very enjoyable or they can be very destructive. You never really know if you are making the right decision by entering the doors of one. I think its the same way with the rest of life. Sometimes I relate it to what are dreams are. As if my dreams are not suppose to be real. What does not make sense is why do people tell us our dreams are not meant to be. As if they want us to meet equal to what they became. I remember saying I wanted to be a writer and my English teachers told me that was not possible. That you are not good enough to our writing. As if all seven classes we had was not juggled also to the misspeled words and the errors I left on the papers. As if I was the only one who could not also do what they did. While I reminice on the past the years behind me, I remember all the pain and all the mistakes I made by others deciding what I will become. I remember I was 15 when when I said military. My family loved this idea because it meant being normal or excatly like them. I remember I was 16 when I said I want to be a Dj and everyone laughed. I didnt have many friends and the parties were slim but in my head I new what I would become. When I was 17 I said I wanted to be a writer, but I forgot kids in general classes are not allowed to be this dream. Soon I would wish all this luck away and become scum to all that breath by stealing a car and running away. The color on my skin came to light because it reminded me where I belonged. As if spanish boys are not suposed to dream. As if the shackles are tied to them at birth and it will be soon enough when they will come into the light. They forgot to tell me there are unforgivable sins on earth as well. Because once the world gives up on you all seems hopeless. Now all those dreams of army man and dj writer came back to the surface and it was proven fact that two will fade and one will stay. My family began telling me instead of showing me where to go. They said you must join the army to change who you are. As if walking in lines and shooting rifles would change me to become more socially acceptable. As if I would forget the emotional abuse ive been receiving for years. It doesn't work that way. Abuse is like blood stains their permanent, they stay for a long time and are a reminder of the pain you have been given. Its to late its there. In my own soul i felt like a victor for going thru all ive been thru. I am sure that each of the victors in the hunger games must have felt this way as well when they were about to die, that they have been given so much much pain and misery and made it so far and that was good enough.I was accepting the fact my life wouldn't change because i was given a set life all ready. A plan out of my reach, A purpose I could not alter. As I hit the age of adulthood it was now to accept the outcast feeling. people did not need to hold your hand anymore, you were not accepted to what you thought was a family. I was an adult. As if that word was more exciting to hear at a younger age, when we all dreamed of shaving are faces and screaming honey im home. As if the movies forgot to tell us that adults are miserable from 18 to 25, that this age is not the happy pent house life they make it seem.

No comments:

Post a Comment