Christmas
If Christmas is about the coming of the prince of peace then why do I feel so alone. Why does my bones feel weak. Why does my heartache. Im standing in a crowded home feeling broken. Feeling distant from all these people. I am suppose to call them my family but I know they don't see me as family. I have just turned 18 and I can see them looking at me differently. I can see them ready armed to get rid of me. Maybe im just paranoid, but they have every right to. I mess things up, I am the reason for the pain they feel. I hate the looks I get the disgust reactions to anything I do. I thought running would impress them but it has not. Nothing that has come can change there perspective of me. It feels more like Easter. Like pain. Like sorrow. Like the Death of Christ. How his own disciples turned on him. the people he trusted with all his heart. Like my home, I walk and turn the corners and can see the plotting, the creating of disaster, the making of permanent exile. I want to leave here but yet I want to stay, stay so they can see the greatness I will become, but I want to leave, leave this pain sorrow filled house, bed, rooms, to somewhere else, some place where someone will love me for me, love my blood as much as my triumphs. God take me now, im ready to exit, take me to your gates, stop this pain my lord.