Thursday, January 31, 2013


I am a disaster. In so many peoples eyes I am a great guy, Im funny, nice, kind, have manners, and put others first. But, in my own life im just a piece of shit. Nothing, I do is correct to them. I have made mistakes, I have done some things wrong, I have messed up plenty, but not anymore. I keep pushing and pushing to prove I am not the same person that I use to be. I try so hard to be what this family wants, what this family loves, but I am not, im the pain to everything they are. I cant eat, I cant sleep, I cant function right anymore. No one can even undrstand the shit I freaking go thru. Im sick I am sick and tired of just being some freaking criminal to people. Why cant I get a damn hug when I walk in the door, or be told I am proud of you. All I do is a mistake. Your room has locks bolts, you have cameras, and yet im still being blamed for stealing things, Im blame for being a criminal. I dont understand this at all. But yet your man is a sexual perve and you trust him completely? Why cant someone just love me, love me and tell me their proud of me. I just need a home where people tell me they love me, im sick of this house here. Always being told to leave, always being told that im a problem, days like these just make me want to give up. I just want to start over, start over in a new home where people love me, people tell me they care, :'(. 

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Run to you

Im alone, sitting down here by my self, i wonder how life could be different if I didn't have you in my life. Your the air I breath when I wake up, Your the sun rise when the stormy clouds are blocking them out. Your the sweet taste of candy on Halloween. The world is a dark place, a place filled with pain and hurt, but you keep the pain out of my life. Your like a band-aid over my wounds, healing me even though im bleeding. I can see peace in your eyes, I am able to live a life of success with your comfort your beauty in my view. There are times where Ive done wrong, but love keeps no history or tacking record, nothing to look back on for blame. Love is special, it can not be replaced, when you truly first love someone their love is the only thing imaginable. John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. So my love I ask you to grow with me and the lord, he is are protector are savior, anything in him can be reached, God is the only thing needed, without him we can not be successful. God gave me you so lets do him the right and honor his commands.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013


Lord I'm trying to be the man you want me to be. I've lied to you before many times. I've made false statements, remarks about changing when it hasn't been true. I want to only do the truth. I want to be someone I want to fulfill all the wants and needs you have set for me in my life. God your my rock without you I can't stand, I need you as a man needs his wife. God burn like a fire in me.

Monday, January 7, 2013


I surrender
Lord. I give my heart my spirit to you. I want to be like you. I lay on this floor begging, begging for your entrance into me, show me how to leave my guard down to be like David, confessing all to you. Telling you the truth of my enemies about my love about my pain. Do what you please this body is yours, you created me take me and change, change me in to you. Psalms 30:5 states their maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning, every morning I want to wake to that joy, to that love you offer. My days are limited on this earth but your love lasts forever. I surrender, I give you my life i give you my all to be the man capable of pleasing a God so magnificent as yourself. God come rescue me from this earth from this pain, come protect me from the wrong doers Lord i want to be a walking image of you, I want all to see you when they think of me. The pleasures of this life are temporary but your love is forever, your a miracle that I don't deserve. I don't deserve to call you my father, your to great your to mighty for my sinful heart. That is why I Surrender, surrender to your mercy your forgiveness. Lord give me the armor to fight off the demons, the problems of the earth. God I want to be something bigger then my self, I want to find my self worth, I want to show others self worth. Lord I maybe young but as 1 Timothy says, Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live in your love, your faith, and your purity. God my life needs a purpose point me in the direction of that promise.